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Oct 18, 2006

Hi everyone...

Ok so i'm at my mums house BY MYSELF for the first time in ages......since i moved out...

I'm still uncomfortable about being here: the memories are still strong and there is just something soooo wrong with this house: I wish someone would burn it down!!

I'm sitting here in my old room (which is now my brothers) and it has changed...it's not my room anymore....:(

Yeah following my heart sounds a great idea: its what I've always done!! It can turn out with mixed results however!! I love Justin, i know that....but am I in love with Justin? Ummmm what a question! To me, our relationship is great, we are really good friends. Our relationship doesn't change much, and I always know whats coming. After so many years of unpredictablity, I enjoy this: he is everything my father was not!! But will i grow sick of this? I dont think so but: Justin always knows hows to make me happy....and to me that is essential! its one of those things... the funny thing is I'm thinking about this in the place where all those girlhood dreams of happily ever after grew from! But my parents didn't get happily ever after so who says I will?

I keep hoping I won't make my mother's mistakes, that I'm tougher and less nieve than she was and everyone thinks I am. Everyone keeps treating me like a child, when I'm not! Haven't been for quite a while: I was forced to grow up...and no one has seemed to realise that....

Life is complicated, but no one ever said it would guilt and obstacle free! I will survive: i have so far! Nothing will stop me: i have God, and freinds and family constantly surrounding me.....


1 comment:

Meke said...

The thought of you in the house alone is kind of chilling (though of course your safe there). Many times I have considered driving back to your old house on the range, just to see what it felt like to go back to that place - ya know. Common sense has gotten the better of me.

As for the other stuff. You are young 18, and adult but not in any way needing to know everything about what you want and who you want to share your life with. Yes, I agree follow your heart - but give your head some space to have a bit of input too...and as well, if your friends are expressing concerns, it may be well to at least think on them, cos often people outside the situation are able to see with the objective eyes that we lack.

When it comes down to it though, you are the only person who actually know what your head and yoru heart are really saying. So you get the final vote, lol.


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