Long time no hear I know...with uni and everything I have new heights for "busyness" (which I know is spelt wrong)!!
So how did my first week of university going?? Ahhh...well...interestingly!!
My first 2 classes: Communication in a Digital Age (Monday) and Technology, Communication and Culture (Thursday) went really well: for one, they are both topics I enjoy and for two I actually know people in the class...But Speech Communication was an entirely different matter...I didn't know anyone who was in my class but I did know I would like it!!
I was so nervous: I actually turned up to class half a hour early...lucky for me the lecturer had too...and she was this really lovely, artistic, eccentric type. Coincidently, she "knew" of my family so it worked out rather well...But nevertheless I still felt out of place and I think it showed...I was very quiet!! Anyways people started turning up and there were some people that I had met in other classes but didn't really know...so i felt very out of it and really quite out of place!! I guess I get that feeling every term, but still doesn't make it easy....But I pushed on regardless..and in the end I guess it did work out ok: I found a few girls that at the very least, felt comfortable with.
Sigh...everyone (I feel this: it may not be true) has this view of me as this really confident girl: but that's not the case at all. If you have been in one of my classes at the beginning of term will know I tend to get very loud and very "knowledgable". I hate to break the preception: but thats all bluster: I am really quite scared!! Now that many Moura ppl have come into my life: I have found that the opposite has been happening (I get really quiet and overwhelmed): it's amazing how certain ppl can bring back all these bad memories: maybe thats the reason I haven't been sleeping properly and my nightmares and night terrors have been increasing. They have only started increasing and getting worse since Moura ppl have come into my life again. And I have been getting depressed lately, but I think that more due to lack of sleep!! I don't know: i am really quite confused by it!! I could go back into some form councilling but that's kinda out of my price range and my old councilor wasn't really helping (and she was free)....umm...I am sure I will work it out in my own time!! Prayers will help ppl (or any other substitute if you worship in other faiths) I have been really going under lately!!