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Mar 11, 2007

Hello All!!

Long time no hear I know...with uni and everything I have new heights for "busyness" (which I know is spelt wrong)!!

So how did my first week of university going?? Ahhh...well...interestingly!!

My first 2 classes: Communication in a Digital Age (Monday) and Technology, Communication and Culture (Thursday) went really well: for one, they are both topics I enjoy and for two I actually know people in the class...But Speech Communication was an entirely different matter...I didn't know anyone who was in my class but I did know I would like it!!

I was so nervous: I actually turned up to class half a hour early...lucky for me the lecturer had too...and she was this really lovely, artistic, eccentric type. Coincidently, she "knew" of my family so it worked out rather well...But nevertheless I still felt out of place and I think it showed...I was very quiet!! Anyways people started turning up and there were some people that I had met in other classes but didn't really know...so i felt very out of it and really quite out of place!! I guess I get that feeling every term, but still doesn't make it easy....But I pushed on regardless..and in the end I guess it did work out ok: I found a few girls that at the very least, felt comfortable with.

Sigh...everyone (I feel this: it may not be true) has this view of me as this really confident girl: but that's not the case at all. If you have been in one of my classes at the beginning of term will know I tend to get very loud and very "knowledgable". I hate to break the preception: but thats all bluster: I am really quite scared!! Now that many Moura ppl have come into my life: I have found that the opposite has been happening (I get really quiet and overwhelmed): it's amazing how certain ppl can bring back all these bad memories: maybe thats the reason I haven't been sleeping properly and my nightmares and night terrors have been increasing. They have only started increasing and getting worse since Moura ppl have come into my life again. And I have been getting depressed lately, but I think that more due to lack of sleep!! I don't know: i am really quite confused by it!! I could go back into some form councilling but that's kinda out of my price range and my old councilor wasn't really helping (and she was free)....umm...I am sure I will work it out in my own time!! Prayers will help ppl (or any other substitute if you worship in other faiths) I have been really going under lately!!


1 comment:

Tohou Lidia said...

Wow Joan! I guess i am one of those people who has always viewed you as really confident! I guess Moura is such a small place and everyone knows your story...you feel scared because there is more of chance they are judging you?? I'm sure your going to go great this term...i know it!

Luv Amy


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