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Aug 7, 2007


Dear Everyone,

how is everyone's life? People don't seem to be leaving comments anymore. And I really don't like it how people come the site and don't leave comments!!!

But in saying that, I can also understand this behaviour: after all who has time to write an interesting, funny comment on a blog which lacks in both? lol!!! Nobody really!

ahhh yes, clearly from this comment you can see my mood!! I am being self judgemental, for no better reason than to be self defining!

So what has been happening lately in my life?? One of my friends has invited me out for a girly arvo today, but kinda neglected another of my friends who knows her better!!! I am very confused by this: it doesn't make any definable sense to me. But I am still going to go and have a great time: maybe I'll get to know her even better! Anyways, at the very least I will have a fun arvo with my usual aplomb....or lack thereof. Sorry I know, I am being depressingly depressive!!! I am having a stage again. I think this time it's not as bad...I kinda have gotten into a "I don't give a crap" phase. It's good on one hand I can go and spend money without worrying like I usually do, but it's bad for the same reason!!

Ahhhh yes, the "I don't give a crap" phase I am usually manic depressive or manically happy! But of late, I have been getting into this strange no man's land which I don't like. Least with the other two I know how to deal with them!! It doesn't help with my family situation, because I do give a crap about that! Sadly. I don't know...ever since people (namely family & physc doctor) found out about Justin & I's baby plans and effectively banned me, I have been the most upset. I guess it's because it was a very big deal for me. And something I want badly. I understand why they have banned it, but to me I am at my most stable when around children. And whilst that is not my reason for trying to fall pregnant, it is something my family just don't get! And it sux cause I love my family very much. Well, most of them anyways ;)!! I have always had this deep motherlove (I call it) and I want the big family (at least 4: Justin and I joke we'd like to get an even dozen). I know I am young but would rather start now! I am nearly 20 and to me it's a good age to start the family rollercoster. Justin's older age comes into it as well: I would like him to be in his 20's for our first child. And he has only 3 to 4 years left now!

Byes and lots of kisses and love,


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