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Dec 2, 2008

In-laws, lend me your ears

ATTENTION: All future parent's in-law of the one known as Joan Maree Palmes, Joanie, Jo and Princess Jo,

If you don't want me to to be uncomfortable with you forever, don't, and I repeat, don't, call my family members trying to get them to change my mind about marrying your son. It isn't going to work. For one thing, my family cares for me, and they think that I am old enough to make my own decisions, as is your son. If you had a problem, you should have said ages ago. It's too late now. And plus, I am stubborn, and when I care about someone, I tend to want to stay with them.

And also, don't refer to my housekeeping skills as a reason for me not to marry your son. I thought the heart was more important than the house. That it's more important that the house be full of love and caring. Yes, I am never going to be the Martha Steward of housekeeping, but I will be the best wife to your son and mother to your grandchildren that I can be. But I won't be a housewife: I am not marrying a house when I am marrying your son: I am marrying the person.

And realize this too: your son chose me. This is the only long term relationship that I have ever been in: how the f**k do you think I managed to 'manipulate' your son so quickly? The answer is simple: I didn't, I couldn't and I wouldn't. I have no past experience in a relationship like this, but I know what I feel, and I know that I love this man, your son, madly, deeply, truly and forever. But at the same time, I am a realist: I am aware that there is a 50% success rate with any marriage, and that includes ours. But I would much rather say I gave it a go, and damned good go at that. Do you think that I like divorce? My parents divorced, (albeit for a very good reason and it was a relief when it finally happened) and I lived through it, but I would not like the same thing to happen in a relationship of mine. When I marry, it's forever, until the day I die. Unless, of course, something terrible happens: like spousal abuse, or child abuse. And if those things did happen, haven't I got the right to leave the abuser? But I have been with Justin for 3 years, so I think I would have worked out by now if your son was any of those things.

And then to bring up my suicide attempt...well where the hell do I start?!? It happened nearly 1 1/2 years ago now. I received intensive counseling for 6 months to a year afterwards. Yes, I was in denial before it, but it sure woke me up, that's for certain. I now talk about my abuse, I am open about the repercussions in my life: what else can you possibly want from me? You haven't been in my situation. You haven't had to cope with all the crap that I deal with on a daily basis: but guess what? I deal with it, and I deal with it as well as I can under the circumstances of that particular day.

So, I think we can conclude that I am not the perfect woman that you want for your son. Yes, I come a bit scratched, with a few edges knocked off. But surely, my heart is in the right place. Justin suits me, and I suit him. We fill up each other's gaps.

So please, give us the opportunity to give this marriage a go. Yes, we both have problems, but together we are stronger and work them out. No one ever gave much of hope that our relationship would work, right from the beginning, but it has and I think it will continue to work. In the long run, you guys are going to be the ones that destroy your son's marriage and sanity through sabotage and bitterness, and so you will be the only ones to blame.

Jo


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See So... for the "back story" to this entry...

1 comment:

Lidia said...

Hi Jo!

I admire you for this blog entry :-) If you feel it is right and you have thought it through properly, I believe you shouldn't let anyone stand in your way. It's you're choice, no one elses, and you shouldn't feel pressured.. you are an adult now and you have your own family and your own home.

Luv
Amy

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