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Jan 23, 2009


Today I was thinking about hope.

Everyone hopes, at some stage in their life.

Sometimes the hope is fulfilled.

Sometimes not.

Sometimes it is achieved in a way we didn't expect it.

And sometimes, just sometimes, it is the hardest thing to cling to.

I find hope to be my demon, my lover, my motivator. I have never much liked hope. It hides when I have needed it the most. But there are times, a few gorgeous moments, when I know what is like to have hope on my team. And even better, to have it fulfilled.

Some people hope to be married. I never have. And look at me, married barely 6 weeks shy of my 21st! For me it was never about "the one". I hoped for children. I always said that I wanted the children, not the husband. How life loves to reverse itself.

But what would I do if given the opportunity to have the choice, reverse my life, if you like. Would I choose to be either married/partnered today, or to have children today? I would still choose marriage/the partnership. I would still choose to live the past three years childless with him. He suits me: we can fight, but still laugh at the end of it. He is my gift, a replacement of the "should haves" and "maybes". It doesn't make those intervening years any less painful for either of us, but it blessed me with the very things I never expected to have. Stability. Partnership. Hope.

Don't desert me now, hope. I would really like 2009 to continue improving on the past few years.



The Steadfast Warrior said...

I too find hope can be a little fickle. I hope this year brings you many joys and that hope come through for all of us.


Kristin said...

I hope this new year brings a bunch of fulfilled hope for you.

Beautiful Mess said...

I wish this year to be the year you get your Hope. Happy early anniversary, too.

GINA and KEV said...

May 2009 bring much hope and happiness.

Happy anniversary to you too.


Michelle said...

I agree. I too would choose to be with my DH and childless. Hope is a crazy thing but we must have it even if it is hidden otherwise I don't think we would even try.

Wishing you hope for you in 2009

Guera! said...

Hi there, Found your blog for ICLW. Sounds like you have had a very interesting life! Congratulations on the recent wedding. You seem like a very wise woman.


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