A blog is a personal diary. A daily pulpit. A collaborative space. A political soapbox. A breaking-news outlet. A collection of links. Your own private thoughts. Memos to the world.

~Blogger~

Jan 23, 2009

Hope

Today I was thinking about hope.

Everyone hopes, at some stage in their life.

Sometimes the hope is fulfilled.

Sometimes not.

Sometimes it is achieved in a way we didn't expect it.

And sometimes, just sometimes, it is the hardest thing to cling to.

I find hope to be my demon, my lover, my motivator. I have never much liked hope. It hides when I have needed it the most. But there are times, a few gorgeous moments, when I know what is like to have hope on my team. And even better, to have it fulfilled.

Some people hope to be married. I never have. And look at me, married barely 6 weeks shy of my 21st! For me it was never about "the one". I hoped for children. I always said that I wanted the children, not the husband. How life loves to reverse itself.

But what would I do if given the opportunity to have the choice, reverse my life, if you like. Would I choose to be either married/partnered today, or to have children today? I would still choose marriage/the partnership. I would still choose to live the past three years childless with him. He suits me: we can fight, but still laugh at the end of it. He is my gift, a replacement of the "should haves" and "maybes". It doesn't make those intervening years any less painful for either of us, but it blessed me with the very things I never expected to have. Stability. Partnership. Hope.

Don't desert me now, hope. I would really like 2009 to continue improving on the past few years.

Jo

6 comments:

The Steadfast Warrior said...

I too find hope can be a little fickle. I hope this year brings you many joys and that hope come through for all of us.

ICLW

Kristin said...

I hope this new year brings a bunch of fulfilled hope for you.

Beautiful Mess said...

I wish this year to be the year you get your Hope. Happy early anniversary, too.
*ICLW*

GINA and KEV said...

May 2009 bring much hope and happiness.

Happy anniversary to you too.

ICLW

Michelle said...

I agree. I too would choose to be with my DH and childless. Hope is a crazy thing but we must have it even if it is hidden otherwise I don't think we would even try.

Wishing you hope for you in 2009

Guera! said...

Hi there, Found your blog for ICLW. Sounds like you have had a very interesting life! Congratulations on the recent wedding. You seem like a very wise woman.

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