A blog is a personal diary. A daily pulpit. A collaborative space. A political soapbox. A breaking-news outlet. A collection of links. Your own private thoughts. Memos to the world.

~Blogger~

Feb 23, 2009

A Moment

There are so many moments to choose from. So many that mean so many different things to me.

I will start in the sad, and move to the glad as my birthday approaches. It is not fair to twist my past with rose coloured glasses. Reality can bite sometimes.

My saddest memory is when I realised my father was less than human. That he was a monster, destined to haunt my nightmares for many years to come. There isn't any particular moment when that realisation occurred. Maybe it was when he abused me: maybe it was when he broken so many promises, begged for forgiveness so many times that I no longer believed him. Who knows, but that awareness came.

How do you cope with that huge breakdown of trust? You can't. It's impossible. You freeze, until your mind decides that it is finally capable of dealing with it. In the meantime, you have to live with the nightmares: and the moments that hurt.

It isn't a nice memory, nor a pretty one. But it is mine. And it brought me to where I am today. I wish it hadn't: because maybe I would be a little less broken, a little more trusting. But then, would I be a little less me?

Jo

3 comments:

KandiB said...

I agree - we are who we are from our past experiences...whether good or bad. And, being able to accept that starts the healing and the growth process. Good for you! ICLW

~Jess said...

I second KandiB: I don't think we would be who we are if it weren't for the good and the horrible. We find out what we're made of and decide to not let things define us. Good luck with being more vocal and free with your posts.

ICLW

Tiffanie said...

right on girls:)

ICLW

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