I am not usually a questioning woman: I never regret anything. Life is too short.
But even I begin to question the insanity of my life of late: I feel very isolated out here. It's nothing to do with my family or anything like that.
I just want my husband back. I want my friends back. I want my old life back.
But I can't have any of those things right now. I hope I get them back at some stage. But right now, that seems really far away.
I feel like I have used my friends (and family) for my own purposes lately. A little more than I should have, perhaps. But regardless, I have tried to avoid asking anybody for anything. I don't like doing it. I want to do it all myself. Deal with everything myself. But on the other hand I can't. Mostly because of choices I have made.
Justin has a completely different approach. He is happy to ask his family, to RELY on them to get out of situations. I struggle with it, and him in the process. I don't meant to. I just do. And it's not like I don't love him. I do, enough to marry him. I just don't understand sometimes, the same way he doesn't understand me too at times. But, then, it would be boring to be in complete agreement.
Everything appears really bleak right now. I don't know what has happened to our lives. It got sucked into a vertex of events. Bugger, huh?