To be frank, I don't know how to begin this post. It isn't because I don't have a lot to say: I just don't know how to say it.
How do I say that I feel like I am in absolute limbo: in the space between danger and success, brightness and darkness? I sat down and wrote a whole blog entry on it, but it doesn't feel quite right for this moment. I had been having one of my bad days that day: I was tired and frustrated: a bad mix for anyone, but lethal and life sapping to me.
I would like to make something perfectly clear and straighten the record. I do not hate the church. Do I dislike some of the practices that I was involved with when I was growing up? Absolutely yes. Do I distrust most organised religions? Yes. Will I speak up when someone heads in that direction and give them a run down of my experiences with the church? Yes, without hesitation. But does that mean I hate the church? No. In fact, there are times I wish I was back in a church simply for the support offered. But for me, the trade off simply isn't worth it. I like the flexibility and the freedom. I don't have to believe in a God anymore. I can believe whatever I choose to: and to me that is " more precious than rubies". And more importantly, I am not forced to be linked to a certain gender role for the rest of my life: another choice I do not take for granted.
I savour the fact that I can choose all these things, because I didn't have the choice for quite a while.