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Nov 26, 2009

I WILL NOT BE KEPT QUIET!

Hi All,


Welcome to rant land! Just read something that bugs me so much, I must share. I recognise that some of you may not agree with me, but it needs to be said.


Today I was directed (via another site, FreeJinger) to this site: Visionary Daughters , ran by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin. They have similar beliefs that I had at a younger age: very fundamentalist etc. And they are in absolute worship of their father. Nothing wrong with either of those things, even though for me, they express it in a way that I find sickly sweet and excessive: but I freely admit that those opinions are biased and are formed from my past and history. 


It did take me aback when they expressed the following opinion: 


Now, a strong mother and father who realize the importance of their relationship will be quick to let us know when we’ve gotten out of line. And, when they do, our response should be brokenness and repentance. “But what if I was just trying to help my father, and by doing so, better learn how to help my future spouse?” You know what will really help you serve our future spouse? Observing the union of your parents; they are as one, not to be divided by our overzealous efforts to help dad (or, in other ways: by us making snide remarks about one parent to the other, or running to one parent when another says or does something we don’t like, to name a couple of examples).
(Emphasis mine)

This is coming from two women whose opinion I probably would have looked up to had I found their writings/blog whilst I was still in that world: even as I read it now (with my current belief system or lack thereof), I found their style of writing extremely well written, persuasive and thought provoking.  In the context of my situation (a sexually abusive father) this advice would have devastated me - and virtually given me no opportunity to speak up. I would have felt more guilty about coming forward: this whole piece enforces and reiterates the fear of family breakdown (I now prefer the term family break up) that so many of the girls in this movement (including myself) have been given over the years. It makes me monumentally angry that this advice could be, will be, read by other girls that are in the situation that I was, and because of it, will make a different choice...a choice that will have serious, long term repercussions. I am not saying that my decision didn't have repercussions: trust me it did and not all of them were good. But if I hadn't exposed the truth and just kept praying about it and pushing the "incidents" into the back of my mind, the facts are that my father would have gone on to molest more children: and hurt many, many more people... AND I WILL NOT BE KEPT QUIET ABOUT THAT PARTICULAR TRUTH!

Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin: please consider this next time you send out your advice to thousands of young girls that read and trust your words: that your advice may be ok and healthy in your own family: but in others, you may be prolonging a woman/young girls pain and abuse. And that is not fair and not right: and above all, it is cruel. 


Jo

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