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Dec 27, 2009

Looking Back.

At the beginning of this year I wrote a list: a list of dreams and things to let go of throughout the year. I now take a look back to see how much of that list I actually fullfilled.

These are my dreams for this next year.

1. Get married in Brisbane surrounded by the people I love.

This I did. And it was fantastic and unique. 

2. Have a baby that is all mine and whom I don't have to give back to somebody.

Well. No. Enough said.

3. Laugh more, hope more.

For much of the year laughter was a very long way off the list of priorities. It was tough to laugh when you felt like you were losing everything including your sanity.

4. Have a completely healthy year without a single Crohn's flare.

Didn't happen. Wish it did. 

5. Find a job and become more financially stable.

Once again, no, at least in the traditional sense. I did find hobbies and routes to entertain and fulfil myself: something which I consider to be much more important. Money is as much value as you give to it. 

Money may be the husk of many things but not the kernel.  It brings you food, but not appetite; medicine, but not health; acquaintance, but not friends; servants, but not loyalty; days of joy, but not peace or happiness.  ~Henrik Ibsen

6. Sponsor a child and give more to good charities.

We did start donating a tiny amount to the Red Cross every month. 

7. To get into more of a routine with housework.

I did actually manage to keep this up until I got sick again. Fun times. 

8. Entertain more.

This I did do, and enjoyed every minute of it. 

9. Successfully cook a Souffle or anything I have been too nervous to try yet.

Noooo...and no again. 

10. Learn how to cope with the in-laws better.

If by this you mean giving myself a little space, then yes. I took the perspective that they only truly mattered to Justin. And not to me. I am still polite. 

11. Read more, learn more.

Oh yes. This was a year of learning, but not as I intended it. 

12. Find good homes for the kittens.


Things I need to let go of this year.

1. My depression.

No: it still haunts and chases me. 

2. My fears.

They have increased. Enough said.

3. My worry.

See above.

4. My stress.

See above.

5. My sadness over not having a child of my own.

I wish I could say yes, but I can't. I can say I have more peace about being childless. 

6. The "why me" question.

Well. I still ask it. so no. 

7. My way of thinking that says "everyone is better than me at everything". It's not
helping me!

It is still not helping. :-O

8. My guilt.

What? Guilt is my friend! 

9. My past.

Nope. My past still follows me about, particularly since part of it was released into the wild this year. 

10. My jealousy.

I would say it is more under control.

11. My bitterness.

I am still bitter. I try not to be.

12. My slackness.

I wish! 


Laura said...

That's a lot to do in one year! If you had accomplished ALL of it, what would there have been left? haha!

I think for 2010, one of your goals should be to cut yourself a little slack. Nobody's perfect, and at least in the blogging world, I like you just the way you are. ;) I bet if you read through some of your old posts, you'll see how much you have already grown. Keep truckin', you'll make it someday!

Mum said...

I liked what you said Laura.

I am proud of you Jo and the steps forward you have taken.

Your life is unfolding a petal at a time...

Like daylight stepping out of darkness,
like morning creeping out of night,
like a flower opening to the sun...

Be patient with life's unfolding petals.
If you hurry the bud it withers.
If you hurry life it limps.
Each unfolding is a teaching
a movement of grace filled with silent pauses
breathtaking beauty
tears and heartaches...
(Marcia Wiederkeher)

Aunt Becky said...

What a list, my friend. What a list. If you ever perfect a souffle, let me come over, and please, give yourself a gigantic hug from your Internet Aunt. Because it's okay. We all have good years and better years. You're amazing.



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