The end of the year draws ever nearer. And so too, come the decision part: what do I do next year?
At the moment, Crohn's is still playing havoc: I am constantly trying to balance myself on the knife edge between rushing to the hospital at all hours and normal living. My body (once the only thing I had control over) has decided to run on it's timer. And I am so, so frightened of the timer clicking over with terrible results.
The surgery that was supposed to be so successful, hasn't really proved to be so. In the year since surgery, my stomach is still having what I describe as pins and needles, and I have this tightness sensation/tenderness at the surgery site. Now, I understand it's part of the surgery, but it is definitely getting worse, not better. Combine this with the nausea, the runs, an elevated inflammation level (blood test) and a dull ache type sensation at the actual resection site and I am a concerned woman! I just hope I get into see the specialist soon! My joints are getting incredibly stiff, swollen and sore as well (particularly my knees). I know I sound slightly well paranoid, and that I am reading into things, but they are what they are. I am just trying to keep ahead of it, but I don't know how long I can keep it up for - my body can only take so much.
Next year, I am still planning on babysitting one day a week (maybe increasing more when the Miss Moo's new brother is born). I am also the PR officer for a local sports club so I will be planning to spend a lot of time on improving their image etc. As for what else? Right now, I am not sure: I feel busy enough that's for sure!
I realised the other day how fullfilled I am when I have Miss Moo (and Miss D, her cousin, whom I have from time to time). Like that's the thing that I ought to be doing: it completes me. The uni, whatever else I have tried, pales by comparison. It is a completely joyous feeling. I don't feel "used" the way I was in the past with the 3: I am paid, and respected for my work. I am not paid a lot, but that doesn't bother me: I just really appreciate the respect and not being expected to do extra: that whatever else I do on top is something special etc. And in turn, it makes me step up to the plate more and bring more to the "job". Not that I consider it a job: it is a delight. Miss Moo and her family have restored my faith and confidence: in others and in my ability to take care of other's children. Which is huge!