Babies, babies, babies.
Wherever I turn there is a pregnancy or birth announcement. And to be truthful, every one is bittersweet. I love babies, and snuggling the new little ones, but ultimately, I want that little one to be mine. And it isn't.
Even though Justin and I have come so far on our infertility journey, and come to the decision that we have, it is still not the decision we would want, or would chose for ourselves. We are truly in limbo: a (hopefully) momentary pause in our journey.
But sometime in the future, in our future, there will be a crossroads. We will re-evaluate the decision we have made, and I hope, begin to take small, but deliberate steps towards our goal.
IVF/Fertility treatments are not something we want to take lightly. I am certain that at some stage in the future they will be part of our world. But first, we need to work on my health (both mentally and physically). Finances are also a major concern. We need to be stable. That is what our child deserves, and what we want for our child.
I keep telling myself that: but somehow, the words ring hollow. I would still rather a child.