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Mar 28, 2010

A Poison so Sweet... Part 2

Maree's story continues today. Part 1 is here.

I moved back in with the crazy family and picked up where I left off: being a nanny, cleaning a HOUSE, with endless washing and still nothing to eat, my income still being the only money G and I had. 

I was starting to lose it and needed a break, so I came back to M and stayed with my nanny for a weekend. BIG REALITY CHECK, but being so wrapped up in drugs and alcohol I went back to GL once the weekend finished, and G also returned (he went to AB to see his dad)

This is when it all happened at once: firstly, I went to the doctors whom told me that I might possibly have a STD. He took blood test to confirm what I thought I already knew. Then I went back to the crazy family's house to kick that cheater out, he was swearing the whole time that he never would have done that and that I didn't get the STD from him: I must have cheated on him. 

He left to stay with a different aunty in the GL area. During the week wait, I realised something......it didn't matter how I worked it out, my period was late. I did a home pregnancy test but nothing worked, not even the control line: the test was a complete DUD. 

I went back to the doctors a week later and my test was negative: I had not contracted any kind of STD/STI. The next test however, was positive...it was a pregnancy test......and yes, I was pregnant.
Most people are over the moon when they find out they are pregnant: if not, they are shocked but soon get excited about their baby. Not me: I cried and cried and cried.

Then the crazy family and I went to the pub and bought a bottle of vodka to try and drown my sorrows.......or maybe this baby, this baby that I didn't want.
I told my now ex-boyfriend about it: he too, was shocked but was convinced we could make it work. I stayed with the crazy family and he moved into the single men's quarters and got a job at the pub next door. 

As my pregnancy progressed, I became miserable: I was disgustingly underweight.

Every time I smoked weed I found myself blacking out and falling down wherever I was, completely paralysed for a few minutes. I thought I needed vitamins.
"All I need is $30 to get some pregnancy vitamins", I told my ex. I was still trying to work things out with him: I didn't want to be with him, but then, I couldn't not be around him.

He told me that he didn't have any money at all and I believed him. He promised to get me $50 off his mum for vitamins and pregnancy crap, but I never saw it. He left me his bank card after an argument and told me to get it out myself and return his card tomorrow.......he walked straight to the bank, withdrew his $50, and cancelled his card.

I then found him a few hours later at the pub with a carton of beer, a packet of rollies, and he had just put the last of the change through the pokies. The money he had promised me to both, help me get well and to carry this baby was spent on alcohol and smokes. After an argument, I was escorted from the premises by the police.

Feeling like the world had spun out of control, I spent the next weekend with my straight friend P. We played xbox and ordered pizza and just hung out like normal teenagers ( apart from my constant vomiting from morning sickness). It was during this weekend something in my head clicked: I was no longer Tia: I was just Maree to P. That's all I needed: for someone to remind me of whom I used to be, for someone to love who I was: flaws and all. I'm not sure if he even knows it, but he was my saviour: he made the world stop spinning just long enough for me to realise that I needed to go home.

That weekend I called up MY FAMILY (I had been slowly working things out) and told them that I wanted to come home. I wanted to be a single mum and that I didn't want to be here any more. My dad came and picked me up and took me home.

During my pregnancy, I met Andrew who loved my son before he loved me. He told me: " That baby needs a father, I want to be his father, I don't care what you say, that's my baby".  My son also chose him: he was the first person to feel my baby move and the only other person to feel him move until I was 7 months pregnant.

Today, my boys are inseparable. Mattais loves his daddy more then anyone: Daddy has to do everything for him: dress him, help him, carry him.

They have had an unbreakable bond since the womb and I am glad that I finally found the right daddy for my son whom I absolutely love and cherish.

He is our miracle baby: he saved his mummy from a world of misery, sadness and a whole lot of nothingness. 

He made his mummy come home.


Lorena said...

So glad your story has a happy ending. It's good to know that you're safe now, after all that.

Susan said...

After reading your story on Quivering Daughters, I am happy something has worked out for you. To have a child and a wonderful husband; after all you have been through; is to call your life full and happy.


OneSurvivor said...

Wow...it was a hard story to read...but what a heartwarming ending. Thank you for sharing.

Jericho said...

Thanks so much for sharing---your words are painful but beautiful. Glad to see you on this end of things.

Autumn said...

Wow. Amazing.


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