Ah yes, the behaviour of the infamous in-laws. I have covered the topic before here: my struggles with their actions often boil (both legitimately and illegitimately) over on this blog.
Lately there has been a lot of pressure on us to move to the town of M, approx. 500km away from our current location. A town where I personally have no family (and as someone whom as always lived closed to at least one family member, this would be devastating) and no friends. As someone with a chronic illness, my ability to build up that circle of friends again would be virtually non-existent, and not something I would willingly do.
Since Justin has had a steady job, we have had a more firmer (and can I say it, happily distant!?!) position with his parents.
After spending one weekend alone with his parents he comes home disillusioned about his current job: it was like day and night reaction to what he was before. Not only that, but he then proceeded to lose his job 2 days later.
Then tonight I discover that his parents have applied on his behalf (without his knowledge) for a certain job: in yet another distant "M" town .
Ugh. Is it wrong for me to want my 28 (nearly 29) year old husband to find and apply for his own job? Is it wrong for me to want him to stand on his own two feet and take responsibility? Is it wrong of me to wish his parents would back off a little bit and allow him to make his own mistakes, but more importantly allow him make his own career path? Right now, Justin is so accustomed to having their "help" (aka it suits him and enables his sometimes self/others destructive behaviours) that he doesn't recognise the very real stresses that his parent's behaviour over the years has placed on our marriage and our relationship. Indeed, he doesn't recognise the far reaching impact it is having on him, his extended family, and friends.
Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate their help in the past. They have helped us out of many sticky financial situations. But ultimately, where is the line between help and enabling? And what do you do when that line is crossed repeatedly, or when the line is so fluid and free moving you don't know where it lies?