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Apr 18, 2010

Thoughts on FJ

Hello all,

And welcome to my humble musings yet again.

Lately I have been feeling rather burned out, particularly when it comes to blogging. I raised some doubts about a fellow blogger on FJ, and got rather slaughtered for it. My doubts have been laid (somewhat) to rest, but the shit storm it stirred up was rather amazing!

I found it an interesting statement that a forum that is undoubtedly snark based, has members that cannot handle the raising of a few, simple doubts. Sure, snark on the unknown fundies all you want, but legitimate and gentle questioning of a fellow member? Can't do that! And if you do, you are a big bad ogre, and somehow cowardly etc.

I know FJians do read here, and I do apologise if you are offended. I love a great deal about the FJ site: it ha been until lately, a huge healing place for me. But lately, with so many new members, the old spirit has been overtaken by a new, altogether different beast. I will still read, but post? I am just not sure any more.



Laura said...

I haven't been back since that, mostly because I don't have time to keep up with all my internet stuff during my custody weeks, and that is the thing I usually drop (for the most part). I've been feeling burned out on FJ for awhile, and have posted less and less over the last month or so (until that thread). Really, it just brings up too many memories, and I'm kind of ready to just move on with my life. Haven't decided if I'm going to go back or not--the parts that were so nasty, I noticed, were mostly by people with less than 100 posts, so I agree with you that I don't really like the atmosphere anymore. But I think part of it, too, is what I said before about just being ready to move on with my life and forget about the past. I'm definitely going to take a break for awhile. I need to spend less time on the internet during my non-custodial weeks anyways!

Anonymous said...

For the record, often when one experiences trauma in childhood, the issue is not remembering every.detail.with.clarity. Raised in a very controlling, appearance-based environment tends to make an adult forget many things because of the pain of trauma: to survive, they must block out certain things. Recovery takes YEARS. Anyone who can casually remember daily details raises flags.

Jennifer said...

((hugs)) Sorry to hear about that. :(

shadowspring said...

May you find love wherever you go, Princess Jo!

We all find our own path to healing, in my humble middle-aged opinion. Some people remain in denial for years. My twin sister didn't even begin to figure out that my mom would never, ever love her until she was in her mid-thirties.

I figured it out when I was twelve. So of course my healing journey began much earlier, and as a young woman in my twenties, had the internet been available, I could have written much, as all the memories were coming rapid-fire at that time.

But my very own twin (can't get any closer than that) didn't even come out of denial until after I was at a place, like Laura, that I was more or less ready to move on. Everyone is different. She herself (my twin,not Laura!)has suffered much more somatically, imho, because she repressed the trauma so much longer.

But there is no shame to her for that! I am no better for coming our of denial earlier. You might consider me luckier, but really it was a near-death experience on my part that brought me out of denial so young. Her suffering came in different more subtle and more pervasive ways, making it harder to identify, and her personality is also much more tender than mine.

I'm not a FJer, so I don't know firsthand what exactly your talking about, but it sounds like you were reviled for asking honest questions. Here's a cyber-hug and sympathy from me. There should be no shame for asking honest questions.

Again, may you find love wherever you go, Princess. And if some place you go is low on love, give yourself permission to leave and go where you ARE loved. Life is so short, and you only go round once.

(((Princess Jo)))

bellatrys said...

Unfortunately you're not exactly being honest, Jo.

You attacked Ruth on Free Jinger. Viciously, explicitly, savagely. You insisted she was not real. You attacked someone who never harmed you (unless you thought that her getting attention that should be going to you was somehow an injustice...)

You were proven wrong. In the very topic you chose to bolster your attack on her, you were proven wrong by Vicki continuing the series.

Did you apologize? To Ruth? To the other FJ board regulars?

No. You did not. You chose to vanish and flounce and play the martyr here, in dishonesty.

So you got some blowback. It was, to be truthful, nothing compared to the assault you made on another blogger's privacy. And you did NOT just attack Ruth. You attacked - tho' you may not realize that is what you did - every anonymous ex-fundie blogger, every sometime victim-of-sexism, and thus every poster on the Free Jinger board, too.

And gee whiz, some of the people you attacked took umbrage at that! Shocking, innit? Scandalous, that people who were attacked should be somewhat unhappy at that, and say so!

If you ever want to understand how fundies can lie about how they're doing harm, how abusees can go on to abuse, how people like your parents can claim that they are the innocent victims - just look in the mirror.

Better yet, grow up and apologize to the people you assaulted, starting with Ruth. And then start participating in communities as an actual grownup, not a drama llama.

Otherwise, you're just part of the problem too.


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