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Jul 1, 2010

Confessions of Weight...

I have a confession to make.

Because my IBS/Crohns (whatever it is: who knows anymore) has settled down in the last few weeks, I have been eating again. A lot. A lot of bad things, if truth be told.

This has meant that since dropping 7 kg to 61 kg during my last flare (in under a month) I suddenly have gained it all back (in under a month), with a little more on top....I have hit the 70 kg + zone: ekkk. I have never, ever gained that much weight that quickly.

To gain some perspective on this, I am 5 ft tall. That is a lot of weight and not a lot of places to put it.

For years, I could eat pretty much what I wanted and not gain a drastic amount of weight (or any at all). Looking back this was all because of crohns/IBS, but it was great at the time...My sweet tooth got fed well.

It doesn't help that the stuff that is stereotypically "bad" for you such as white pasta, bread etc are some of the few foods that I have always found easy on my stomach. Pasta is my comfort food in many ways: I know I can always eat it and not feel sick afterward. Because I have never been one for big portions, it has meant its impact on my waistline has been slight: even with all the current extra weight I am still size 10 to 12 (but definitely in more of the '12' camp).

But lately, I am always hungry and my normal meal sizes have gone out of the window. It is very sad.

However, I am glad that I have some extra weight going on. Least when the Crohns/IBS starts flaring again, I have some weight to lose. And not only that, but it is making me realize how much I love my body and curves (and boy do I have them! Entire DD's ?). I am still working on loving my tummy...that particular piece of property was decimated after the surgery of '08. Nuclear wasteland, anyone?

Jo

6 comments:

Jo said...

I'm a big emotional eater, so I've gained about 40 lbs in the last two years (I'm not sure how that translates into kg's -- but it's a LOT on my 5'2" body!). I've recently joined WW again, as that is the ONLY way I've ever been able to lose weight and keep it off. Since I can't focus on TTC right now, I'm focusing on my new job and weight loss. Here's to two svelte new Jo's in 2010! :-)

Oh, and I love how you are trying to embrace your curves. It has taken me much of the past decade to come to peace with mine, and I still have moments where I look in the mirror and say "ugh." A lot fewer moments, but they are still there. Big hugs to you -- this is a lifelong journey and you've gotten such a great headstart.

Lorena said...

I'm confussed. Jo wrote and Jo is commenting... is it two Jo's?

shadowspring said...

Love yourself! That body has carried you through a lot of battles and given you a lot of joy. It is a beautiful body. =)

Princess Jo said...

Two Jo's! :)

And Jo, I can entirely relate to the "ugh" moment. But for me, I had huge body hangups when I was skinny (eg size 8, 55 kg). I had those "ugh" moments then: and they have gotten LESS as I have put on weight. I think it might be because I have realized that the perfect female form as promoted by the media/society, is just not possible for everyone.

The other Jo

S.I.F. said...

I can't even imagine how tough all the up and down must be, but as a girl who loves her curves as well - I say embrace them lady! I am sure you are looking beautiful no matter what! Even the stomach area (and after 2 surgeries on my stomach in the last year and lots of hormone treatments - I get that too) is worth loving, and you will get there!

Lidia said...

I'm always of the opinion that no matter what size you, if you are happy and comfortable with it then its more than ok. The skinniest girls have body hangups... The important thing is coming to peace with yourself! Plus i still think you look great Jo!

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