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Jul 28, 2010

A Moment, A Cycle, A Marriage

You know those moments in life? You know the ones, where all the crappy things seem to magically disappear, if only for moment? The cracked marriage, the health problems, the family issues fade into the background, leaving you with a precious, almost perfect moment.

And sometimes, they even happen to me, giving me something, anything to cling to when the storm stirs up again, and begins the destruction process yet again. 


I refer to my marriage as cracked: and yes, I do see it as 'cracked'. Like a vase dropped time and time again, and repaired over and over, so our marriage continues the cycle. It has been cracked by life, by our own mistakes, only to be repaired by sheer guts and determination.

That being said, where is the breaking point in a marriage? Where is the line where you say that you have had enough: really had enough? That the situation is not okay anymore? That the cracks are too extreme and unable to be fixed?

All questions I have been pondering lately. After working out a particular situation and finding that it is far, far worse then anticipated, I feel emotionally drained. The situation itself is nothing new, it is just that it is something I feel I have screaming (sometimes literally) about for years, and now it is coming to head as these matters all do eventually.

The problem is that I don't have the energy or the inclination to deal with it. I need Justin to step up to the plate and start being responsible. At 7 years older than me, it should be something that he is capable of doing. Instead, he waits for the non-existent magical solution to our problems, and in the meantime, makes me feel guilty for my current incapacity.

And then we have a near perfect moment: sitting watching a movie, being happy together. It wipes clean all the crap, and makes it seem totally irrelevant.

But after the moment is gone, the cycle starts again, with a new problem, or an old one reheated.

The joys of marriage huh?



Grace said...

I think the breaking point is when you or your partner are no longer choosing each other. It doesn't have to end with a bang, or be caused by an action, but if you're waking up and part of you isn't choosing to be with that person, thats when you come to the fork in the road where you have to decide which way you're going to go.

<3 you hun.

Jo said...

Gah, I have SO been there, done that. Over and over and over again. I don't have any answers, or sage advice, despite being almost 7 years older than you, though. ;-P

I wish someone had given ME advice on what to do 5 or 6 years ago, but I doubt I would have listened, so....??? No one can tell you how often to repair your vase -- only you will know when the glue is no longer able to hold.

Big hugs.



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