For me personally, attempting suicide was one of the best things I ever did. I know, I know, it seems completely irrational, but for me, trying to end my life showed me how much I really loved life and wanted it. This lesson was reiterated in the years that have followed my diagnosis: everything gains so much more meaning when you are ill.
But regardless, it is not something I would recommend for anyone else: it is the hard way to learn, and it causes terrible distress to those whom love you.
And they do love you. Maybe not the people you want the most to care: but they care just as passionately, just as deeply, and are just as important as those people. They want you to stay, and will be desperately sad if you go. They will miss you.
There is no shame in wanting the pain to end, either, I think. When you have had so much trauma, so much crap and negative stuff crammed into a life, it has to come out somewhere. Society doesn't like sadness or pain, and any direct expression of those things are frowned upon. Want to kill yourself? Society says chin up! Cheer up! Move on! If you actually go through with it? Hellfire and brimstone! Your name will be whispered as "poor such and such", or not mentioned at all. That to me is an absolute tragedy and a cruel and horrible thing to do to those already tortured by life, tortured enough to end their lives.
The point is that in our society, in nearly every society, it is considered a shameful thing to admit that you hurt: that life is all too much pain. It is considered a weak thing to seek help. In society's race to beat the Jones, to be better and ever more perfect, it crushes those that cannot keep up due to no fault of their own.
The facts are that it is not a shameful thing to admit to pain and hurt, or a weak thing to seek help. It is a far, far stronger thing to face your pain, and hurt. It is a far, far stronger thing to seek help. If you are in pain, acknowledge it. If you are hurt, acknowledge it. And more importantly, don't stop looking for help until you get it. Ignore those that tell you to get over it. Scream and bang at the door until they let you in.
There are still days where I am ready to give up and give in to the voices in my head. But they are few and far between. My depressive, "low" days still exist: and will probably always exist. I still have days, if not weeks, where I cannot handle anything. And that is ok. It is ok, because I acknowledge them, because I recognise that to heal, I have to get the hurt out first, and accept that I am innately imperfect, and that I will never achieve society's expectations of me.
One day at time, I will get there: I will become whole again, regardless of how many set backs may come my way, and have already come my way. But I will be my version of whole, not what society expects.
To the others that read my blog and have demons of your own, remember that you are not alone. Remember that help does exist, and that you can, and will, find it.
Congratulations! You're not perfect! It's ridiculous to want to be perfect anyway. But then, everybody's ridiculous sometimes, except perfect people. You know what perfect is? Perfect is not eating or drinking or talking or moving a muscle or making even the teensiest mistake. Perfect is never doing anything wrong - which means never doing anything at all. Perfect is boring! So you're not perfect! Wonderful! Have fun! Eat things that give you bad breath! Trip over your own shoelaces! Laugh! Let somebody else laugh at you! Perfect people never do any of those things. All they do is sit around and sip weak tea and think about how perfect they are. But they're really not one-hundred-percent perfect anyway. You should see them when they get the hiccups! Phooey! Who needs 'em? You can drink pickle juice and imitate gorillas and do silly dances and sing stupid songs and wear funny hats and be as imperfect as you please and still be a good person. Good people are hard to find nowadays. And they're a lot more fun than perfect people any day of the week.
~Stephen Manes, Be a Perfect Person in Just Three Days!~