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Jul 30, 2010

Surprises All Round.

When a friendship ends, particularly under negative circumstances, many times you assume that it is gone for good: and that ultimately, it is unrepairable.

I have one such friendship. We have not been in contact for close to 2 years, and it ended badly, and messily. They ended it, we did not, and there was a lot of hurt and confusion on both sides.  On our end particularly there was a huge sense of loss, and I struggled a long time with that. It was only 6 months or so back that I finally got a grip on it all, and moved on in a sense.

But fast forward to the current day, and they suddenly extend the hand of friendship, reintroducing themselves into our lives. They certainly seem legitimate, and they seem to have moved on themselves.

We spent the day together today, and it was nice. It was like an instant, comfortable reconnection, so much so, that they are visiting here tomorrow.

I firmly believe that everyone deserves a second chance. But, I am terrified of getting hurt again. My nature is always to give too much, too quickly. I have always been far too generous with my time, energy and money.

This time, I am going to try to go slow. Take my time, step warily.

Be a cautious me.



Jo said...

Most of my friendships have ended because I moved away and lost contact, but I do have one friendship that ended as you describe. It was messy, and horrible, and she tried for several months to fix it. At the time, it couldn't be fixed. We did manage, after about a year, to be civil to one another before she moved away. Since then, I've reached out to her several times and tried to reconnect, but she isn't interested. Which still pains me, because we were so close and friendship, for me, is not easy to come by.

All that just to tell you that I think its wonderful you're willing to give these friends another chance. True, it may still end badly, but at least then you'll know it wasn't because of you.

I'm hoping, of course, that it all ends well.


Lorena said...

Good idea.

I was thinking that if I were in your situation, I would try to set some sort of boundary, like contact once a week only.

Good luck!

Jenny said...

The timing of you post is amazing because it really speaks to my own recent experience. You see, a few years ago, I broke off a relationship with Friend A over circumstances involving Friend B, which I won't elaborate on. A few months ago, after my views on what had occurred had changed and I was no longer closely involved with Friend B, I decided to contact Friend A. Originally, my intent was just to apologize and clear up any misunderstandings about what had happened. I thought that reuniting was literally impossible. But to my surprise and delight, Friend A was not only understanding about everything but was interested in renewing our friendship. It's been slow to reach the closeness that it had earlier, but it's definitely worth the time.


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