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Nov 16, 2010

Dream Babies and Creme de la Creme

Guys, thank you so much for your awesome comments and support. It was just amazing to read them all in my inbox as they came in overnight. The heart still aches - but it is nice to know that I am not the only one.

I don't know if anyone has done this or experienced it - but I have always been able to picture in my mind what our future children could look like - imagine them right down to personalities.  And right now, it is like my imagined children are dead or have completely disappeared from my life. I know, I know, it sounds really dramatic - but to me, it is a real feeling. My dream babies are now just that - dreams. The chances that they could become reality feels so out of the realm of possibility right now.

That is the most devastating thing right now - I loved my babies before they were ever conceived - and now, I am left with the very real option that I will never have children of my own to love. And I have to be open and realistic about that possibility. I just can't put my head in the sand and ignore it. I wish I could.

Probably sound totally batty right now, huh? :-)


So Creme de la Creme is coming up again. And I really can't decide which blog entry to use. Too emotionally drained I think!

So I am opening a poll in the sidebar.

The 4 options are:

The Unwanted Spice

When I Shut the Front Door

Thoughts on Release

The Power of a Sole Voice

However, if there is another entry that you love and think would be great for Creme de la Creme, leave a comment and let me know! :-)



Patience said...

I've also imagined what my imaginary children would have been like- don't think that sounds batty at all. Hoping you find peace as you move forward- in whatever way you choose.


devonmarie said...

I did the same thing, and it was devastating to me when I was told that our only chance of conceiving was donor eggs. You have this vision of children being little parts of you and your husband and that is hard to let go of. But as someone on the other side now ( i had a baby girl thanks to those donor eggs) I don't look for me in her, I know that she'll get the things that really matter from me. She may not look like me but she'll be kind and caring, and have all my silly personality traits!

I'm not sure where you will end up in your journey, but I wish you all the best-



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