One step forwards. Two back.
Justin surprised me today. He went out and chose to talk with someone about the problems he/we have been having lately. It was a pastor (from the local Salvation Army), certainly, but it beats nobody. And if it is someone he trusts, I am all fine with that - and support it 100%. And it sure beats me dragging him to talk to someone! As long as this guy does something helpful, beyond just listening and promoting god as the answer, we should be fabulous!
The problem is that we then had another fight this afternoon. I got reminded that my mediation conference (for DOCS) is coming up next week, and completely panicked and lost it. He couldn't understand why I was crying and "just not dealing with it". Well, sorry honey. It isn't called PTSD for nothing! You have been married/partnered with me for long enough - so you should know that my coping skills can be appalling. Yes, I am still fuming a little - even though he did settle down, and was nice afterwards.
Bah. Such fun. Nobody said any of this would be easy. I keep reminding myself of that. And one step forwards, is still one step in the right direction.
But right now? It is cold comfort - I want to hope. I want to persevere. I want my husband back with none of the anger that clouds him right now. Is that too much to ask?