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Nov 26, 2010

Steps...

One step forwards. Two back.

Justin surprised me today. He went out and chose to talk with someone about the problems he/we have been having lately. It was a pastor (from the local Salvation Army), certainly, but it beats nobody. And if it is someone he trusts,  I am all fine with that - and support it 100%. And it sure beats me dragging him to talk to someone! As long as this guy does something helpful, beyond just listening and promoting god as the answer, we should be fabulous! 

The problem is that we then had another fight this afternoon. I got reminded that my mediation conference (for DOCS) is coming up next week, and completely panicked and lost it. He couldn't understand why I was crying and "just not dealing with it". Well, sorry honey. It isn't called PTSD for nothing! You have been married/partnered with me for long enough - so you should know that my coping skills can be appalling. Yes, I am still fuming a little - even though he did settle down, and was nice afterwards.

Bah. Such fun. Nobody said any of this would be easy. I keep reminding myself of that. And one step forwards, is still one step in the right direction.

But right now? It is cold comfort - I want to hope. I want to persevere. I want my husband back with none of the anger that clouds him right now. Is that too much to ask?

Jo

2 comments:

Finbarpurpleton said...

I understand you have deconverted and all but some people find peace with God when life gets rough, whether you believe God exists or not. Believing in a higher being gives people hope, it can be a way of coping. We can survive only so long without food or water, but people wither and die once they have lost hope. I think how you find it is the key and it doesn't necessarily have to be spirtual either.

I hope this makes sense and I am not overstepping my bounds again.

Melissa :)

Princess Jo said...

Hi Melissa,

I meant that I didn't want the pastor to promote God as the "only" answer - I forgot to put "only" in. I realise that for some, God is their answer. In Justin's case, there are some very real changes he can make to his behaviour, without God.

Jo

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